Femme FATale

How to Make your own Titty Tassels!
August 23, 2008, 10:55 pm
Filed under: awesomeness, chicago, femme conference, femmes, fun, yay

The Femme Conference last weekend was wonderful for a lot of reasons including some community building, heart healing, and general consciousness raising. But this is not to overlook the *amazing* two nights of performances (which included many a hot burlesque queen), but also the pastie making skillshare taught by the stunning and oh-so-talented, Vagina Jenkins. With her permission to re-post, I’m going to provide you with the directions from the informational booklet she put together for us, peppered throughout with some of my own observations and tips. I’m short a reliable digital camera these days, so pardon the lackluster images captured with my camera phone.


– Plastic cup, scissors
– Thin cardboard (think bookmark width) or, if you’re wanting to make fancy/professional pasties, buckram
– Paint, markers, glitter, fabric, rhinestones, sequins, flowers, beads, feathers, tassels
– Tacky glue, Aleene’s “OK to Wash It” glue, E6000 glue, or hot glue
– Eyelash glue, 2-sided carpet tape, or spirit gum/prosthetic glue


Step 1: Using the plastic cup, trace the top or bottom of the cup onto the thin cardboard. Depending on the size of your areolae, you can make the decision what side of the cup (or any other traceable object) you’ll want to use. If the cardboard has a glossy side, this is the side you’ll want to put towards your nipple.

Step 2: Cut out the circle of cardboard.
Pasties can also be made in other shapes, such as hearts and stars, too!


Step 3: Once the base of your pastie is cut out, fold the circle in half
and then half again as shown above on the right.


Step 4: Unfold the circle and cut along one of the lines from the edge of the circle towards the center, stopping about a centimeter from the center point. Your pastie base should look as the one above.


Step 5: Overlap the left side of the cut over onto the right side, forming a solid conical shape.
With a toothpick, apply glue to the underside of the overlapping flap in order to secure the edges. Hold in place for several seconds and then allow to dry while you decide with what you will cover the pastie bases!


Step 6: I chose red flowers, black feathers, and black strung sequins for my pasties, but really the possibilities are endless! You can use curtain tassels for the centers or rhinestones. We even saw someone in the workshop make use of some amazing old-fashioned black and gold dangly earrings for the center. Be careful though – tassels and jewelery chains, when twirling, can get stuck in sequined trim and feathers. Also, too heavy a center, like the earrings I mentioned above, will look gorgeous, but won’t twirl properly because of their weight, so choose your supplies wisely depending on the look you want to achieve.


Step 7: Spend some time arranging how you want your pasties to look and then get to gluing.
When you’re done, give yourself a pat on the back and strip down for your big ta-da!!!

More Pastie Resources:

Jo “Boobs” Weldon’s Burlesque E-book
Amber Ray’s Fancy Pasties
How to Twirl Titty Tassels

I cross-posted this over at The Femme’s Guide to Absolutely Everything blog, but thought those of you who are not yet reading the fabulousness over there, might read it in these parts. That being said, make yourself some titty tassels and then go read the Femme’s Guide! We’re just getting started over there and are still recruiting contributors to broaden the femme representation, but take a peek in the meantime and leave us your love and suggestions!


our wait is over.
August 11, 2008, 1:03 am
Filed under: awesomeness, fun, pop culture, silly, yay | Tags: , , , ,

the brilliant kids of the good asian drivers tour have put together a parody to the obnoxious hot mess that is katy perry‘s chart-topping single, “i kissed a girl.” big love to them for being so clever and making the video we all actually wanted to see in the first place. also, it’s chock full of total hotness. ch-ch-check it out!

the plural of haiku is … haiku.
August 7, 2008, 9:46 pm
Filed under: butches, fun, haiku, strap-ons, yay | Tags: , , , , ,

haiku about strap-ons. because they’re fun, it’s friday, and why not?

you: new to strap-ons
me: so not interested
bruised cervix? no thanks!

jersey femmes bring it
lipstick perfect, hair teased right,
nails that match your dick.

harness in your drawer:
two-strap, white leather, studded
makes this girl say “ohh!”

August 7, 2008, 1:52 pm
Filed under: fun, honesty, yay | Tags: , , ,

prompted by sinclair

1. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that the reason I still seem so not over her is not because she was that incredible, but because I’m bored with the other options.

2. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that I voluntarily participate in aggravating relationships because I value the really good sex that has been a part of them…and I worry what that says about me.

3. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that I’m most likely not going to make it as a professor once I finish my Ph.D.

4. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that I really did kind of feel it when I met them those two brief days and told my friends I’d met my future husband…even if that’s completely ridiculous.

5. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that I think I’m kind of a catch…despite the occasional self-deprecation.

6. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that sometimes I’m a judgmental bitch and that’s not always ok.

7. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that my greatest fear is not making an impact.

8. If I was being really honest with myself, I would admit that I don’t think I always mean it when I say “I love you,” but I’m working on it.

in one word.
August 1, 2008, 1:14 pm
Filed under: fun, silly, yay | Tags: , ,

stolen from leo maccool at butch girlcat.

1. Where is your cell phone? piano
2. Your significant other? nix
3. Your hair? cherry
4. Your mother? heart
5. Your father? morose
6. Your favorite time of day? dusk
7. Your dream last night? disappointing
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream goal? calm
10. The room you’re in? warm
11. Your ex? unsatisfied
12. Your fear? letdown
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? stronger
14. What you are not? regretful
15. Your Favorite meal? spaghetti
16. One of your wish list items? fishnets
17. The last thing you did? counseled
18. Where you grew up? n-e-wjerz
19. What are you wearing? boyshorts
20. Your TV is? sleeping
21. Your pets? lovepig
22. Your computer? bed
23. Your life? stressful
24. Your mood? ornery
25. Missing someone? always
26. Your car? pig
27. Something you’re not wearing? socks
28. Favorite store? evans
29. Your summer? solace
30. Your favorite color? fuschia
31. When is the last time you laughed? today
32. When is the last time you cried? monday
33. Your health? good
34. Your children? nay
35. Your future? promising
36. Your beliefs? changing
37. Young or old? both
38. Your image? charming
39. Your appearance? flirty
40. Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? depends

my own addition:
41. Song for right now?

happy friday, y’all. xo.

Radical Queer Femmes Gather at the Femme2008 Conference
July 31, 2008, 11:41 am
Filed under: bestie, chicago, femme, femme conference, femmes, yay | Tags: , , , , ,

Here’s a guest post from my fellow Femme Mafia Twin Cities member (and bff!) spreading the word about the femme conference! We can use all the publicity around this that we can get, so if you’re able to do so, please re-post this guest entry on your own blog and leave a comment here so that we can thank you from the bottom of our hearts. xoxo – hussy red

Femme2008 Conference: The Architecture of Femme!
Who: Femme Collective, along with speakers Dorothy Allison, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and Julia Serano
When: August 15-17, 2008
Where: Chicago Wyndham O’Hare
How: Register online! Registration is still open, and is $95. You can get all the conference details at www.femmecollective.org.

Guest post by Charlotte Albrecht, Femme Mafia Twin Cities

For months now, I have been looking forward to attending Femme2008: The Architecture of Femme this August in Chicago. It has been just a few years since I started to claim a femme identity and only in the last year that I began to find community and connect with other femme-identified and femme-supportive people. As a mixed race light-skinned femme who grew up steeped in middle class white American culture, my models for femininity were clear and, like many other girls, I learned to examine all the ways that I deviated from this norm. When I started to acknowledge my desire for female-bodied people to myself and to those around me, I found myself wanting to be visible to those I desired. This desire coupled with my longstanding understanding of myself as “not feminine enough” added up to a gender presentation that was not true to myself. It wasn’t until a few years later when I met femmes of my age who encouraged me to embrace whatever feminine parts of me there were, that I ceased apologizing for dressing up and accessorizing, and, more importantly, started to think critically about the relationship between my own femininity and my sexual desire.

I see the Femme Conference as a unique opportunity to push myself further to think about the numerous forms ‘femme’ can take – shaped endlessly by each of our cultural and social locations, sexual desires, gendered selves, and outward appearances – and how I can support other people in their own journeys. I am particularly looking forward to meeting others from across the country who are organizing for femme visibility in their communities and actively connecting this work to radical liberatory politics.

You might be asking, but what is femme? Femme can mean many things, and if you ask a hundred femmes what it means to be a femme, chances are, you’ll hear a hundred different responses. Since femme is a complex, varied identity, it is frequently misunderstood. However, we can say that femme is based in a queer subculture of radical femininity. It can be both a sexual and gender identity. Femme is a queered, transgressive, stand-alone version of femininity that can be constructed independent of and/or intimately connected to biological sex.

Femmes have been both underrepresented and misunderstood within and outside of queer communities. The Femme Conference is an important and exciting time for femmes and allies of all walks of life to increase visibility and create radical queer femme community. It will be full of amazing performances and workshops, as well as a powerhouse keynote lineup: Dorothy Allison, Julia Serano, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, and Veronica Combs a.k.a. Vixen Noir.

So join me, and let’s create some radically affirming community together. It’ll be fierce

–Charlotte Albrecht, Femme Mafia Twin Cities

femme conference!
Femme Conference!

click the image above for some info. on the national femme conference, which is being held in chi-town this august! i’m definitely going to be there with the femme mafia twin cities and cannot wait to see the amazing keynotes that are lined up, as well as the variety of workshops and performances. also, the femme conference is all-inclusive, so all the hot non-femme queers out there are welcome too…especially all of you single butch/genderqueer/trans boy types! spread the word and let me know if you’re going! xo.